Kinky Torah: Parashat Shemot: Each of Us Has A Name

Each of Us Has a Name, by Zelda

Each of us has a name
given by God
and given by our parents
Each of us has a name
given by our stature and our smile
and given by what we wear
Each of us has a name
given by the mountains
and given by our walls
Each of us has a name
given by the stars
and given by our neighbors
Each of us has a name
given by our sins
and given by our longing
Each of us has a name
given by our enemies
and given by our love
Each of us has a name
given by our celebrations
and given by our work
Each of us has a name
given by the seasons
and given by our blindness
Each of us has a name
given by the sea
and given by
our death.

Each of us has a name, given by our vanilla lives, and by our kink. At least for those of us that have a kinky side. Indeed, we all have many aspects to our lives...I think this becomes more evident for those of use who come with a bit of kink. We have our "regular lives" and the aspects that involve our kink.

This week's portion begins a new book of the Torah...and begins a new stage of the history of our people. And, indeed, of our name. Indeed, it is in the first chapter of this book that the name Israel transforms from the name of a guy (well, to be honest, the second name of a guy), to the name of a group. It is when our ancestors move from being an extended family towards being a people. It is this name that becomes our identity; the rest of the story is how we grow into that name.

I've been on my own journey of discovery for a bit now. It was a couple of years ago that I admitted at all that I had this side...a bit less than a year since I admitted it fully and began to engage that aspect of myself. And even begun to embrace it. I have a name that I use with those I've just come to meet in this realm....and perhaps that's the name of my kinky self. Those that I've come to be close with have learned my real name, as well. I'm still learning where that line is drawn. Still learning what my names are....still figuring out how I fit into my names.

I've found myself in a relationship, of late, with someone I've come to love deeply. He's married, and poly, and I'm not his only girlfriend. All that, on its own, includes its own selection of challenges. The fact that I'm a rabbi, and cannot make this all public, an additional collection of difficulties. Add on that he lives far away makes it all even tougher. But, we persevere. And, in the end, I think it's all a good thing. I'm still figuring out what this new identity, this new name so to speak, means to me...still growing into it, I suppose.

But I digress (I have a habit of doing that). Each of us has a name. We each have so many aspects to our lives...for me, once I realized and admitted I had a kinky side...well, I added a name for myself. But there's a lesson here, as well. We must figure out who we are as individuals, in general, but also who we are as our kinky selves.

How do we stay true to our identity in general, while claiming our new names? How do we balance it all? I believe we each have our own answer for that. But it's a good question to keep in mind.

Each of us has a name. Given to us by our lives, and given to us by our choices. May we all live up to our names and continually define what those names are.