When I was in my late twenties, I finally found myself in a relationship in which I was able to be wholly myself. After many years of dating, it was the first time I did not feel like I had to hide my "quirkiness". [read: crazy!] Let's be honest, we all have our own form of crazy; the question is how do we balance our crazy with someone else s crazy. Well for years I did what most young ladies do, I tried to hide my crazy the best I could. I figured if I hid it well enough, he would stick around.
Oddly enough, that didn't really work.
I even dated one man who pursued me precisely for my crazy; so when I stifled it, he lost interest completely. Looking back on that time, I can hardly blame him.
We are not complete people without our fire, our quirks, even our negatives. We are no fun without a little bit of crazy. And, come on, no one wants to be in a relationship with perfect and dull!
Right now, we are in the middle of the month of Elul~~the month before the High Holy Days when we prepare ourselves for standing before God. Throughout this month we are charged with looking deep into our souls. We are to consider all of the sins we have committed, all of the negatives and crazies we do not want to bring into the new year. Well, this year, I say:
Find those sins and negatives and crazies!
Find them all, BUT do not dismiss them so quickly.
We are not meant to be perfect. Shoot, perfect is boring and annoying. We are not meant to be completely cleansed of our sins and negatives and crazies. Rather, the trick is to find others who appreciate our crazy--or at least can handle our crazy.
And so I say, do not be afraid to travel across the globe for your b'shert, but do not change who you are. Do not suppress your crazy. If you cannot be wholly yourself, how can that person really be your b'shert?
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