I was talking to a friend about my polyamory post (next time, girl, can't you comment here!), and she asked a great question:
What would a polyamorous ketubah look like?
Obviously "k'dat Moshe v'Yisrael" would have to be modified but would the ketubah simply allow for further ketubot? Or perhaps it would have space to add more partners along the way.
What do you think? How could a ketubah be worded to support open relationships?
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I think it depends, though, how you define "k'dat Moshe v'Yisrael." Also, the traditional ketubah text doesn't reflect most modern relationships, anyway. So, if a couple wanted to use it for an open relationship, I don't personally think it would be any more problematic for me (as a rabbi) than for any other marriage.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, if the couple wanted a different text, I think it would depend on what kind of text they wanted.
I have been using alternate ketubah texts, written by the couples, based on all sorts of texts for years - same sex ketubot, interfaith ketubot, etc.
ReplyDeleteI believe very strongly that the ketubah needs to be an amendable text - it should be updated every number of years, or whenever a couple wishes to re-contract their relationship in a new way.
If that's the context, then writing in conditions for polyamory, for a non-exclusive relationship, ought to be possible - with the provisos from the earlier entry about multiple marriage being against the law of the land, and therefore unsupportable.
On the issue of whether any of this counts as adultery, it seems to me that the main issue with adultery is dishonesty and a betrayal of the covenantal relationship, so if non-exclusivity is in the ketubah, why not?
Since choosing to live in a polyamorous lifestyle is a couple's personal decision the question remains whether it needs to be written into a Ketubah? A ketubah is a partnership. if there are already three or more people entering into the contract then yes it would need to be amended. If it is a couple expecting to live in an open relationship or as a polyamorous couple then it is up to them whether they want it written into their ketubah for all to see and know or whether that is their personal and private covenant that they have agreed to.
ReplyDeleteWith open relationships and polyamory it is always about how open and how public. Who knows? Everyone? Inner circle? Partners only? The Handmaidens of Rachel and Leah, , Zilpah and Bilhah, were given to Rachel and Leah as gifts from Laban when they wed Jacob. They would not have been part of the ketubah since that is where Jacob indicated what of his possessions belongs to his wives. And yet as possessions of Rachel and Leah the handmaidens are used to assist in the creation of the tribes of Israel.
Jacob's example of polyamory is what the rabbis and Christianity have attempted to force out of existence. While Jacob is a very patriarchal model of relationship possibilities, at the time no one blinks when he takes two sisters as his wives or when they give him their handmaidens for the purpose of procreation. It would be interesting to see the time when no one blinks at a ketubah with three and four partners signing a covenant that joins their lives physically and spiritually in open and loving relationships. Cain yehi ratzon - may this be God's will.