Judaism & Carnal Pleasure

I am a huge fan of FetLife.

Not only is it a great (free) place for pictures and stories, but the discussion boards are varied and interesting and offer a real opportunity for creating true online community by allowing us to engage with one another's mind. Through these discussions, we can share our histories, our passions, our fears, our annoyances, and our questions.

So, I was browsing some of my groups the other day and I came across a question that tickled me. In San Francisco/Bay Area Kinky Jews, theiconoclast asks:

I have noticed that Jewish women are generally sensual and very open-minded when it comes to sex. Is it because the faith is supportive of carnal pleasures?

As this is an excellent question, I thought it may be useful to answer it here in two parts! I actually see two questions here, and I shall tackle the second one first, today: is Judaism supportive of carnal pleasures?

Judaism is often given the credit of having a very open sexual ethic and in truth, Jewish tradition has always had a much more positive attitude towards the body and the needs of the body than Christianity. Unlike Christianity, we are not bogged down by the concept of original sin and we have a clear understanding that just as the body comes from God and is therefore sacred and good the needs of the body come from God and, therefore, have the potential, for being sacred and good. But, in my opinion, what truly makes Judaism more supportive of "carnal pleasures" has nothing to do with sex, per se. Judaism, at its very core, is a tradition based on shades of gray—a multiplicity of opinions.

Unless a matter is clearly elucidated in Torah, no one opinion should be considered absolute. In the Talmud there are rabbis who, clearly, have body issues, believe that women are inherently sinful, and are afraid of sex. (Sounds a lot like some of the early Church fathers, no?) BUT—and here’s where the whole multiplicity thing makes for great religion!—also in the Talmud are discussions about how the woman should orgasm first, that pre-married women should use birth control, and how we are free to have sex any way we want (just as long as seed isn’t spilled). Because Judaism, traditionally, shies away from absolutes, it is very difficult for one authority to come in and paint any one issue as dark and evil, even sex.

It helps that the most of the Talmudic rabbis seemed to have had a great appreciation for sex!

Next time: why Jewish Girls, in particular rock!

Just How Hard Wired are We?

At what point does a person know that he is submissive? or Dominant? At what point does a person know that she likes to be tied up? or likes to spank bad boys and girls? Are sexual proclivities hard wired into us or do we learn them from our parents, siblings, friends, lovers? Is BDSM nature or nurture?

On the one hand, there are so many fetishes that, by their very nature, must be the product of nurture, such as electro shock based fetishes, Hello Kitty fetishes, or car fetishes--none of these could have existed until such time as we invented (or in the case of electricity, harnessed) them. In the scope of human existence, they are flashes in the pan--and flashes do not imprint themselves upon our DNA...our psyche, absolutely, but not our very genome.

So, while the particulars of a fetish may rely on the world/culture/family we grow up in, what about the archetype of the fetish? Could a person, theoretically, have an inherent fetish for shock type stimuli, totems, or big powerful inanimate objects--things that have always been present throughout human existence? Could a person be born submissive? Dominant? Masochistic? Sadistic? Could a person have in hers or his genetic make-up a need to serve? A need to portray an animal? A need to humiliate another?

As is generally true of any nature vs. nurture argument, I imagine the answer will be neither one nor the other, but rather...both.

We come into this world with aspects of our dispositions already hard wired; I, for example, failed my first Apgar test because, no matter what the doctor did to me, I didn't cry (anyone here see a future stubborn masochist?) Nevertheless, how my hard wired disposition blossomed into the happy sub who writes this today has everything to do with how I have been nurtured, for better or for worse, throughout my life.

So, why this question right now? I have a teenage kid who I am watching express her overwhelming desire to be dominated (sans any of the language of the BDSM culture). I cannot help but wonder is this desire imprinted upon her DNA or is it the result of events in her life that have left her feeling distrustful of her own ability to make decisions?

Once I opened my eyes to my true self, I knew that so much of this had been with me from the very beginning. But is that necessarily true for everyone else?

What about your fetish, nature or nurture?

An introduction . . .

After ten years of personal and sexual soul searching two friends and I discovered that we had a lot more in common than just our profession. So after some discussions we decided to create this blog to create a safe space for us, and those like us, to write, discuss, describe our lives and how we choose to live them in a healthy and loving manner with a bit of leather and a lot of healthy bondage thrown in for fun. We hope you join on this adventure in words.

1Leatherrabbi@gmail.com