Showing posts with label rabbi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rabbi. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Jewess: Sexually Repressed or Sexually Charged?

Throughout the ages, Jewish women have been the focus of many a sexual fantasy. As early as the Book of Esther, it is the Jewish girl who gets the kings attention for her ravaging beauty and intimate skills. In the Talmud, the rabbis are obsessed with the sexual appetite and sexual potency of Jewish women. In fact, they do everything they can think of to encourage Jewish men to “service” their wives as often as possible so that their wives’ longings do not get the better of them.

The Third Reich portrayed Jewish women as lascivious; much like the rabbis of the Talmud, the Nazis cautioned the Germans to beware the Jewish woman’s sexual appetite. The picture is an example of the Nazi propaganda regarding Jewish women. The text at the side of the picture says: "This puzzle-broadsheet was destined for the French soldiers in the bunkers of the Maginot-line. The German propaganda assumed that the curiosity of the soldiers would become bigger if they had to look for the different pieces at first. Once put together the pieces made up one of the most astute agitational pictures of the ‘paper war’: The demure English virgin, ‘Times’ gets a knowing reply from the mirror by the sluttish whore, ‘Semit[e]’.

At the same time we have been portrayed as repressed, repelled by sex, and downright frigid. Marcy Sheiner, in her introduction to The Oy of Sex, offers a joke that really brings the idea of this oxymoronic way of thinking about the Jewish woman’s sexuality:

"Q: How do you get a Jewish girl to stop fucking?
A: You marry her.
This, one of my all-time favorite jokes, first heard as an adolescent, can be interpreted several ways. On the surface, it says that Jewish women only "put out" to get the brass, or gold, ring. On the other hand, it tells us, frankly, that Jewish girls like to fuck. Unburdened by the Christian admonishments against carnal pleasure, the Jewish girl is more likely to rejoice in her sensuality. This is, of course, a positive identity, one we can at last proudly claim. On the other hand, it feeds the stereotype of the Jewish girl as slutty."

Last week I talked about how the entire nature of Jewish thought leads to a religion that is simply more sex positive. Well, in turn, Judaism has the potential for producing women who are more sex positive. It helps that, even if it hasn’t always been for good, we have been encouraged to think of ourselves as sexually carnivorous creatures!

I can make all of the obvious statements about how every woman is different and some Jewish women love sex and some hate it; some Jewish women are kinky and some as vanilla as extract! But I have been in many a conversation with many a man who has been with both Jewish and non-Jewish women and they seem to have a very particular impression of Jewish women: we like sex.

I, in all my Jewess-ness, love sex.

In the words of a close friend of mine who insists that he had slept with enough Jewish girls to know that, “Jewish girls take it up the ass.”

Monday, April 26, 2010

Freedom of mind, body, soul . . .

I began my attempt to be well read starting when I was ten. At summer camp we traded a copy of a sexy book back and forth, chapter by chapter, top bunk to bottom bunk and back. I was hypnotized by the relationship dynamics as much as by the sexual experience and conversations. By eleven the beginning of my education and my life long pursuit of all knowledge concerning relationship dynamics was complete (not!). I found a copy of Robert Rimmer's The Harrad Experiment! I found it liberating at eleven to think that multiple couples could bond, maintain multiple, open, long-term relationships and create a tribal house in which all members contributed to the household and relationship responsibilities. Sure it is Utopian and from the 70s, thus only dealing with the heterosexual aspect of relationships. But for me it provided hope for the advancement of the human spirit, human desires, and human sexuality. It is impossible to say I've read everything, but I've certainly read as much about relationships and sex as I could possible get my hands on and my mind wrapped around. It allowed me to believe that there was always more that I could learn and always someone who might be able to teach me. At some point I saw the movie 9 1/2 weeks and was mesmerized by the images it showed and the power exchange within the relationship. Again there are things to love and things to hate about this film, but the images advanced my knowledge of the potential for my inner desires. Later I watched Sex, Lies and Video Tape and The Secretary which also helped to provide images I longed to see and illustrate the desires I longed to fulfill.


Later, a partner of mine gifted me with two books that would change my life. Exit to Eden by Anne Rice as Anne Rampling and The Story of O by Pauline Reage. These books are both great and awful. I both love and hate aspects of each of these books. But beyond that they began to open another aspect of my inner desires. I desire to tie a partner up with her consent, a desire to be completely in control. Some years passed as I continued reading and understanding my inner desires.

A few years later, at almost thirty, I took my own life in hand the moment I felt free enough to purchase my first pair of leather bondage cuffs and Laura Antoniou's (still as Sara Adamson back then) first three Market Place novels. That summer, standing in the middle of the Boston Leather Flea Market, I felt the shackles of my fears and reservations fall from my mind and psyche. I still only had three people who knew of my dominant tendencies, two who let me actually bind them to a bed, but I had hopes for more adventures as I continued to explore my own relationship boundaries in my search for partners with similar desires.

At this time, while I was exploring my wild side, I was also a few years away from becoming a rabbi. I wasn't sure a loving partner existed who would accept and share both my inner desires and my belief in open relationships. I wasn't involved in any scene and didn't know enough people who lived like I wanted to live. And I was positive that my lifestyle couldn't, wouldn't mesh with my desire to be the best rabbi I could become. But as much as I wanted to be a great rabbi is as much as I wanted to be a great Dom in multiple, long term relationships with partners I respected and loved who enjoyed having me tie them up and fulfill a long list of both of our desires.

Fast forward ten years. I have a primary loving partner who enjoys being bound to a bed and spanked once in a while who supports me in all I am and all I do. I have three very different partners I love who all come to me for my skills with ropes, cuffs, floggers and other fascinating toys and devices. One of them I have been with only one year less than I've been with my primary partner. I also happen to be an amazing rabbi, with an amazing job.

A few springs ago, a best friend, colleague and one of my current partners began a conversation that changed both our lives. She told me that she thinks she loves being tied up and being at the will of a strong, dominant partner. "Funny thing," I say. "I happen to love tying people up and fulfilling their desires and mine in a consensual safe environment." (The funnier part of this is that she says to me this year "I knew ten years ago you liked tying people up. I found your cuffs once under your bed." What she was doing looking under my bed is an EVEN LONGER story!).
Our friendship and relationship blossomed until we were talking this year, after an amazing scene together, about writing with a third like-minded friend from our perspectives as both rabbis and sexual beings active in the BDSM lifestyle. We figured that based on the number of rabbis we had already discovered who were into the scene that there had to be even more rabbis we didn't know about with no voice who think they are alone in their desires and calling.

This is the short of my story. It isn't every detail, but it is enough of them. I am a very spiritual and sexual person. I always have been and always will be. I love who I am and who I become each day. I love my family, I love my partners and I love being a rabbi. I think my greater understanding of love, relationships (especially open relationships) and sex gives me a healthy head start in helping couples and families as they deal with their own relationship issues or prepare for their life together in marriage.

I hope my words here help build a stronger Jewish community and a stronger bond(age) to its sexual identity. I also hope the three of us create a greater understanding of the fact that we aren't alone in our calling as rabbis who desire to push their sexual lives as far as they can go in healthy, safe and consensual environments and experiences.
Cain yehi ratzon - May this be God's will,
1LeatherRabbi@gmail.com

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

An introduction . . .

After ten years of personal and sexual soul searching two friends and I discovered that we had a lot more in common than just our profession. So after some discussions we decided to create this blog to create a safe space for us, and those like us, to write, discuss, describe our lives and how we choose to live them in a healthy and loving manner with a bit of leather and a lot of healthy bondage thrown in for fun. We hope you join on this adventure in words.

1Leatherrabbi@gmail.com