Turn us to You, Adonai, and we will return. renew our days as of old.

S'lichot was tonight.

Throughout Elul, the month leading up to the High Holy Days, I tend to feel the impending doom of Judgment, but never more so than between S'lichot and Rosh HaShanah. Once S'lichot services are over, I know that I have very little time left to finish my sermons and make sure that I have all of my ducks in a row for services--is my robe clean? Where is my shofar? Do all of my Torah readers have their tikkun pages? I can feel the pit in my stomach growing larger and heavier with every fear and worry and anxiety.

Of course, it is the Yamim Nora'im, the Days of Awe, and awe was never meant to be comfortable!

So, I have been using the same text for S'lichot services with my community for the past three (or maybe even four) years now; yet every year new texts speak to me and teach me something about who I am, where I am and why. This year, this was the text that captured my mind and soul:

Do not despair.
You are bigger than any of your sins and then all of them.
Rise, for though you have suffered setback and hurt, you are not defeated.
You possess the resources for triumph.
God does not despair of you.
You need not despair of yourself.

Rabbi Morris Adler, 20th Century

As we enter into this season of T'shuvah: return, repentance and renewal, may we all know that each and every one of us possesses the resources for triumph. We are not defeated. We do not need to despair. May we all be written in the Book of Life for good, for peace, and for blessing.

Shanah Tovah Tikateivu!

Kinky Torah

This shabbat we will be reading from Ki Tavo.

So, I was studying the parashah earlier today and could not help but notice the following verses:

Deuteronomy 28:47 you did not serve the LORD your God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, by reason of the abundance of all things; 48 therefore you will serve your enemy whom the LORD will send against you, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things; and he will put a yoke of iron upon your neck, until he has destroyed you.

It got me thinking about the idea of servitude. According to Jewish tradition, people are meant to serve. When we were freed from Egyptian slavery it was not to be completely free; rather, Adonai brought us out of Egyptian bondage so that we could serve Adonai. We cannot truly worship God if we are being forced to worship a human master.

But...

What if we choose servitude to another human as well as to God? Can we adequately serve two masters? Do I have to choose between my Dom and Adonai?

First of all, let me say that, being the sub that I am, I love the idea that the human psyche was divinely built for servitude! I am sure that many of you Doms and Dommes out there may disagree, nevertheless, it resonates for me!

More importantly, I do believe that I can serve God with true respect and devotion while serving a Dom if for no other reason than this:

Genesis 1:27 And God created human in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them.

I truly believe that each and every one of us is created in the image of God; in the worship of another human being, I can serve God. My intention in submission, in worship, is to be as true to the image of God within myself as I am capable. Through serving, submitting, worshiping another, I am able to support the image of God in him. Through this voluntary, intentional act of submission, I serve God as I serve my Dom.

*ssr & I are thinking about starting a weekly kinky parashat hashavua. Would any one out there be interested in something like that? Let me know.
Just for the record, we would not start it until after Simchat Torah :)

To B'shert or Not To B'shert?

Sure the title is cliche but recently I was asked how far would I be willing to go for my b'shert. To be fair, I was being asked a straight geographical question, still I could not help wonder, how far would/should we go for our b'shert?

When I was in my late twenties, I finally found myself in a relationship in which I was able to be wholly myself. After many years of dating, it was the first time I did not feel like I had to hide my "quirkiness". [read: crazy!] Let's be honest, we all have our own form of crazy; the question is how do we balance our crazy with someone else s crazy. Well for years I did what most young ladies do, I tried to hide my crazy the best I could. I figured if I hid it well enough, he would stick around.

Oddly enough, that didn't really work.

I even dated one man who pursued me precisely for my crazy; so when I stifled it, he lost interest completely. Looking back on that time, I can hardly blame him.

We are not complete people without our fire, our quirks, even our negatives. We are no fun without a little bit of crazy. And, come on, no one wants to be in a relationship with perfect and dull!

Right now, we are in the middle of the month of Elul~~the month before the High Holy Days when we prepare ourselves for standing before God. Throughout this month we are charged with looking deep into our souls. We are to consider all of the sins we have committed, all of the negatives and crazies we do not want to bring into the new year. Well, this year, I say:

Find those sins and negatives and crazies!

Find them all, BUT do not dismiss them so quickly.

We are not meant to be perfect. Shoot, perfect is boring and annoying. We are not meant to be completely cleansed of our sins and negatives and crazies. Rather, the trick is to find others who appreciate our crazy--or at least can handle our crazy.

And so I say, do not be afraid to travel across the globe for your b'shert, but do not change who you are. Do not suppress your crazy. If you cannot be wholly yourself, how can that person really be your b'shert?

Shavua Tov!

According to tradition, we are given an extra soul on Shabbat but as we say goodbye to Shabbat and that extra soul, we are reminded that most of the time, we are sensual, physical beings. Think about it--the ritual of havdalah is built to reawaken each of our senses--we taste the wine, smell the spices, see the flame; we hear the prayers and touch each of the objects that carry us through the ritual itself. We may not have that second soul throughout the week but we do have our mouths and nose and eyes and ears and hands.

Ideally, a healthy sexual ethic includes reveling in all of our senses. Religionists often get excited over soulful thoughts. Don't get me wrong, we certainly need to be more connected to our spiritual side. Nevertheless, havdalah gives us a weekly reminder that our physical reality is sacred in its own right.

Let's be honest, today's American culture does not put a premium on how our five senses take in the world. Sure, we are obsessed with what we see and often with what we taste; but how often do we really consider how something feels or sounds. Plus, do we really give our noses the respect they deserve? Pheromones are not getting the play these days that they should!

Drink the wine and let your taste buds rejoice.
Smell the spices and allow the pleasant fragrance of the world inspire you.
Touch the kiddush cup, the spice box, the candle and appreciate the feel of the hard and the soft.
See the fire and open your eyes to the diverse beauty all around.
Hear the blessings of havdalah and hear the blessings of life.

Today marked the biblical holiday of Tu b'Av, the Jewish Lovers' Day. I am on a campaign to bring this joyous holiday back to the Jewish world. Luckily I am not alone, Israeli society has been embracing Tu b'Av more and more over the past decade and recently Jewish groups in America have been promoting Tu b'Av as perfect day for singles events.

As an ardent advocate for love, I want to see Tu b'Av become one of the most popular holidays throughout the Jewish year. But the lesson of this day is so much more than merely one of love. The Talmudic reference that introduces us to Tu b'Av compares this day of love to Yom Kippur, saying that throughout the year these were the two favorite holidays of all the Israelites.

Comparing Jewish Lovers' Day to the Day of Atonement got me thinking, are there any commonalities between love and atonement? Well, as an ardent advocate for BDSM, this was kind of easy. I have always felt the ascetic rituals of Yom Kippur to be spiritually compelling. Fasting, beating my chest, diminishing comfort, even refraining from romance--all of these ascetic behaviors heighten the intensity of guilt and atonement. I have found ascetics to heighten my experience of love as well. While fasting may not do much for me, romantically, beating, discomfort, forced refrain--each of these have played a role in my love. The kinky Jew inheresntly understands the deep connection between love and atonement and therefore between Tu b'Av and Yom Kippur. The kinky Jew also understands how it is that these two days were in fat the happiest of all the year back in the day.

And so, during these two months between Tu b'Av & Yom Kippur, let us all allow our love from this day the opportunity to mature and purify under the encouragement of the ascetics of our tradition.

A Polyamorous Ketubah?

I was talking to a friend about my polyamory post (next time, girl, can't you comment here!), and she asked a great question:

What would a polyamorous ketubah look like?

Obviously "k'dat Moshe v'Yisrael" would have to be modified but would the ketubah simply allow for further ketubot? Or perhaps it would have space to add more partners along the way.

What do you think? How could a ketubah be worded to support open relationships?

Getting my language geek on

So...you should all know, I'm a complete language and grammar geek. Hebrew...English...doesn't matter. I love it.

So, I was recently pondering...if BDSM were a Hebrew shoresh (Bet, Dalet, Samech, Mem), and then made into a verb, would it be piel or hitpael?

Since those are the 2 binyanim that can have a 4 letter root, they're the options.

I mean...l'badsem sounds nice....and it is, in some ways, active. I like the idea of it being an active verb for anyone taking part. But l'hitbadsem I prefer...reflexive seems to work better, ideologically...

On the other hand, Bidsum sounds better than hitbadsum as a gerund.

Thoughts?