Kinky Torah: Parashat B'reishit

^2:15 The Eternal God took HaAdam and placed him in the garden of Eden, to till it and tend it. ^2:16 And the Eternal God commanded HaAdam, saying, "Of every tree of the garden you are free to eat; ^2:17 but as for the tree of knowledge of good and bad, you must not eat of it; for as soon as you eat of it, you shall die." ^3:1 Now the serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild beasts that the Eternal God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say: You shall not eat of any tree of the garden?" ^3:2 The woman replied to the serpent, "We may eat of the fruit of the other trees of the garden. ^3:3 It is only about fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden that God said: 'You shall not eat of it or touch it, lest you die.'" ^3:4 And the serpent said to the woman, "You are not going to die, ^3:5 but God knows that as soon as you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like divine beings who know good and bad." ^3:6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for eating and a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable as a source of wisdom, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave some to her husband, and he ate. ^3:7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened and they perceived that they were naked; and they sewed together fig leaves and made themselves loincloths.

Genesis 2:15-17, 3:1-7

When God first commands HaAdam not to eat of the Tree of Knowledge, God says nothing about touching it. According to Eve, when the command is related to her, she may not eat or touch the Tree. This gives the serpent a perfect in. All he has to do is get Eve to touch the Tree. Since, touching the Tree is not destined to kill her, once she touches it and lives the seeds of possibility are planted. Once she begins seeing possibilities, it almost doesn't matter if she eats from the Tree. She has already experimented. She has already tried something taboo. She has already begun thinking beyond the norm. And she has determined this Tree, this act of digression from what was expected of her, to be good, delightful, desirable.

Doesn't this sound a lot like the average person's experience with kink?

So much of the vanilla world tells us not to taste, not even to touch--in fact, you know what, don't even look at kink--don't even think about anything beyond the missionary pale. But what happens when we meet someone who tempts us with the possibility of having our eyes opened to all kinds of sexual expression? Such "serpents" ask us if it's really so off the wall to leave the lights on. Of course once we bring sex into the light, the seeds of possibility become planted within our sexual appetites. We start considering the many possibilities and all of the sudden we are craving...apples!

Let it be known that in Jewish tradition, this moment in "history" is considered inevitable, appropriate and even necessary. We were meant to eat of the fruit so that our eyes would be opened. We were meant to have knowledge of good and evil. We were meant to leave the garden so that we could truly experience the world.

Which also means, we were meant to have a sense of nakedness.

The serpent was not a minion of the devil. On the contrary, if not for the serpents in our lives, the ones who come along and tempt us to experiment, try something taboo, to think beyond the norm, we would be stuck in some vanilla world completely blind to all of the spicy possibilities.

So, go ahead, listen to the serpent and taste the apple and open your eyes to all of the kinky possibilities around you!

Yes, I'm still here

So, I started a new job, and I've been thinking a lot, but haven't gotten around to posting. It's not that I haven't thought about it, I just haven't gotten around to actually getting something down in writing that I'm ready to share.

Here's the major question I'm struggling with. I'd love to hear some thoughts as I'm getting through my own ideas. In teaching teens about sexuality and helping them form a healthy sexual identity and make good choices, how do I balance cultural norms with kink? Knowing that I'm submissive, how do I take that into account when teaching girls how to assert themselves? Knowing I like some pain, how do I phrase messages that are very much anti-abuse? How do I teach about thinking through these ideas openly, while not overtly teaching kids about kink? A lot of those thoughts in my mind these days...

I have some answers. But I'd also love to hear yours.

Kinky Torah: Parashat Noach

Noah began to be a master of the earth, and he planted a vineyard. And he drank of the wine and became drunk, and he uncovered himself within his tent.

Genesis 9:20-21

According to the Torah, Noah becomes the first man to cultivate grapes for the magical substance we call wine. Unfortunately, he has no idea of the potency of alcohol and gets drunk. In his drunken state, he then becomes the first flasher in recorded history, perhaps even the first masturbator of note. Most people have found alcohol to lower their inhibitions. Have enough wine, beer, scotch, whiskey, vodka (my personal favorite) and you, too, may find yourself "uncovering" your nakedness for all.

What I find really interesting is how this relates to what comes next:
And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father's nakedness, and he told his two brothers outside. ...And Noah awoke from his wine, and he knew what his small son had done to him. And he said, "Cursed be Canaan; he shall be a slave among slaves to his brethren."

Genesis 9:22, 24-25

There are a lot of theories as to what Ham does that deserves being cursed. Some say that he castrated Noah. Others say he sodomized him. Many accept the text for what it says, Ham saw his father in all of his nakedness and proceeded to tell the world, as they knew it. [Knowing the Torah, his curse could just as easily be a punishment for gossiping--Miriam & leprosy, anyone!]

Honestly, I don't necessarily care about Ham and his curse. When reading this, I cannot help noticing that while Ham gets the shaft for, well, seeing his dad's shaft, Noah is not punished at all. Noah invents liquor. Noah gets drunk. Noah exposes himself. One would think that any of these things could incur the wrath of our tradition! On the contrary, Noah has a long life after the flood and is held up by our tradition as someone who was able to rise above the evils of his community.

So, what if alcohol was not so bad after all? Maybe it is ok to get drunk sometimes. (I have got one word for you: Purim.) But more importantly than all of that--because we know that Judaism is ok with alcohol in moderation and even with getting drunk, sometimes--what if this story tells us that it is ok to be lewd. It is ok to uncover our nakedness. It may even be ok to masturbate ;)

Noah is never hand slapped for what he does because there is nothing wrong with what he does. There is nothing wrong with getting a little bit crazy. There is nothing wrong with enjoying our own bodies. In fact, one could argue that the only bad move here was Ham telling everyone about it behind Noah's back.

In honor of Noah, go have a drink. You may even want to splurge a bit and get a bit tipsy. No matter how much you decide to imbibe, this shabbat, take some time to uncover your own nakedness. Enjoy your body--there's no curse in that!

Shabbat Shalom!

Thank Gd the HHD's and Fall Festivals are Finally Over!

Is it terrible of me to be thanking Gd that Mar Cheshvan is almost here?

Thursday evening, as it was nearly time for Simchat Torah services, I was praying that no one would show up so that I could be done already. In the end, we had a nice group together for dancing with the Torah and I made it through the evening no problem. Nevertheless, I could not help having such naughty naughty thoughts.

I need discipline.

Not in the euphemistic fantastical sort of way complete with stern head masters or angry school marms, (of course, I wouldn't mind a bit of that kind of discipline either!) but for real--I am a very undisciplined woman. I have almost no sense of discipline which is one of the reasons why I love both Judaism and BDSM. Both are steeped in ritual and, therefore, both offer loosy goosy folk, such as myself, the possibility of discipline.

Here's seeing if in the intersection of these two passions of mine, I can find discipline...to write regularly!

Turn us to You, Adonai, and we will return. renew our days as of old.

S'lichot was tonight.

Throughout Elul, the month leading up to the High Holy Days, I tend to feel the impending doom of Judgment, but never more so than between S'lichot and Rosh HaShanah. Once S'lichot services are over, I know that I have very little time left to finish my sermons and make sure that I have all of my ducks in a row for services--is my robe clean? Where is my shofar? Do all of my Torah readers have their tikkun pages? I can feel the pit in my stomach growing larger and heavier with every fear and worry and anxiety.

Of course, it is the Yamim Nora'im, the Days of Awe, and awe was never meant to be comfortable!

So, I have been using the same text for S'lichot services with my community for the past three (or maybe even four) years now; yet every year new texts speak to me and teach me something about who I am, where I am and why. This year, this was the text that captured my mind and soul:

Do not despair.
You are bigger than any of your sins and then all of them.
Rise, for though you have suffered setback and hurt, you are not defeated.
You possess the resources for triumph.
God does not despair of you.
You need not despair of yourself.

Rabbi Morris Adler, 20th Century

As we enter into this season of T'shuvah: return, repentance and renewal, may we all know that each and every one of us possesses the resources for triumph. We are not defeated. We do not need to despair. May we all be written in the Book of Life for good, for peace, and for blessing.

Shanah Tovah Tikateivu!

Kinky Torah

This shabbat we will be reading from Ki Tavo.

So, I was studying the parashah earlier today and could not help but notice the following verses:

Deuteronomy 28:47 you did not serve the LORD your God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, by reason of the abundance of all things; 48 therefore you will serve your enemy whom the LORD will send against you, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things; and he will put a yoke of iron upon your neck, until he has destroyed you.

It got me thinking about the idea of servitude. According to Jewish tradition, people are meant to serve. When we were freed from Egyptian slavery it was not to be completely free; rather, Adonai brought us out of Egyptian bondage so that we could serve Adonai. We cannot truly worship God if we are being forced to worship a human master.

But...

What if we choose servitude to another human as well as to God? Can we adequately serve two masters? Do I have to choose between my Dom and Adonai?

First of all, let me say that, being the sub that I am, I love the idea that the human psyche was divinely built for servitude! I am sure that many of you Doms and Dommes out there may disagree, nevertheless, it resonates for me!

More importantly, I do believe that I can serve God with true respect and devotion while serving a Dom if for no other reason than this:

Genesis 1:27 And God created human in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them.

I truly believe that each and every one of us is created in the image of God; in the worship of another human being, I can serve God. My intention in submission, in worship, is to be as true to the image of God within myself as I am capable. Through serving, submitting, worshiping another, I am able to support the image of God in him. Through this voluntary, intentional act of submission, I serve God as I serve my Dom.

*ssr & I are thinking about starting a weekly kinky parashat hashavua. Would any one out there be interested in something like that? Let me know.
Just for the record, we would not start it until after Simchat Torah :)

To B'shert or Not To B'shert?

Sure the title is cliche but recently I was asked how far would I be willing to go for my b'shert. To be fair, I was being asked a straight geographical question, still I could not help wonder, how far would/should we go for our b'shert?

When I was in my late twenties, I finally found myself in a relationship in which I was able to be wholly myself. After many years of dating, it was the first time I did not feel like I had to hide my "quirkiness". [read: crazy!] Let's be honest, we all have our own form of crazy; the question is how do we balance our crazy with someone else s crazy. Well for years I did what most young ladies do, I tried to hide my crazy the best I could. I figured if I hid it well enough, he would stick around.

Oddly enough, that didn't really work.

I even dated one man who pursued me precisely for my crazy; so when I stifled it, he lost interest completely. Looking back on that time, I can hardly blame him.

We are not complete people without our fire, our quirks, even our negatives. We are no fun without a little bit of crazy. And, come on, no one wants to be in a relationship with perfect and dull!

Right now, we are in the middle of the month of Elul~~the month before the High Holy Days when we prepare ourselves for standing before God. Throughout this month we are charged with looking deep into our souls. We are to consider all of the sins we have committed, all of the negatives and crazies we do not want to bring into the new year. Well, this year, I say:

Find those sins and negatives and crazies!

Find them all, BUT do not dismiss them so quickly.

We are not meant to be perfect. Shoot, perfect is boring and annoying. We are not meant to be completely cleansed of our sins and negatives and crazies. Rather, the trick is to find others who appreciate our crazy--or at least can handle our crazy.

And so I say, do not be afraid to travel across the globe for your b'shert, but do not change who you are. Do not suppress your crazy. If you cannot be wholly yourself, how can that person really be your b'shert?